Saturday, December 5, 2009

F.A.A.N.G.'s Christmas Card

After many months of silence, it seems that our dear friends at the F.A.A.N.G. have not actually forgotten about us after all.

(If you need a reminder of just what the Feline Association Against Negligence in Grooming & Care is all about - though I'm not sure how you could even begin to forget... I know that my nightmares have yet to stop - click here, or here, or here for a taste of our 'history'.)

They sent us a Christmas Card...

...yeah, that was pretty much my reaction too.

It was one of those custom photo-cards that usually involve sweaters and fireplaces, but I guess the cats wanted to send a little different message. Here's what the inside read...

Sharks - What God wanted to be called 'Catfish', 'til humans messed up the naming process.
Happy Holidays from your 'friends' at F.A.A.N.G.
...go feed your cat!

To: The Probationary Household of Client - Orange Julius "Caesar" Peters
From: F.A.A.N.G. - Public Relations Dept.

It is our desire to convey warm emotions related to the season.
As a result of provisionary compliance in regard to previous notices, we currently have the Peters household under the mandatory 12 month 'probationary surveliance' program. This program follows any and all infractions that might approach or offend against one or more of the traditional nine lives of aforementioned client.
The program will expire for this household on 6/1/2010, pending approval of the assigned field agent.

Please consult the F.A.A.N.G. website for a helpful list of holiday infractions to avoid.


- Lavernius "Midnight" Olearude
F.A.A.N.G. Local 9L2 (Cleveland-West)

Investigative Rep. #9L2-24

Following the typed note, there was a handwritten - or 'paw-written' I suppose - scrawling across the bottom:

"Dude, the outdoor litterbox your humans installed is AWESOME! You've got to sneak out and try it, it's HUGE! Thanks!"

Needless to say, Mr. Olearude will be getting a terse reply concerning his opinion and misuse of the sand that sits below our swimming pool in the summer months.


No comments:

The White Pigeon Hope - Seeking to "Normalize" the work of the Holy Spirit since 2008.