Friday, December 5, 2008

dis catz not LOL

Our poor cat has been doing a lot of this lately... just kind of looking for an empty lap to fill.

We can tell that he really likes the kids... its just that he's been conditioned to understand that anyone under four feet tall probably intends to place him in mortal peril.
(Ben has a bad habit of chasing him... which might explain a thing or two.)

We hadn't thought too much of it, until we found this notice:

Dear humans,

Due to recent events, some of which that are determinately within your control, we have found it necessary to prepare the following report and submit it to the F.A.A.N.G.
(Feline Association Against Negligence in Grooming & Care)
It is our responsibility to submit a copy of the report to you (hereafter "the perpetrator(s)") in hopes of immediate compliance and peaceful reconciliation of the local domestic feline, Caesar , to his/her rightful position in the household.
Please await our further correspondence.

- Lavernius "Midnight" Olearude
F.A.A.N.G. Local 9L2 (Cleveland-West)
Investigative Rep. #9L2-24

When I first found the note I didn't say anything to Meghan, but then I SAW the cat who must have sent it!

A night last week, I heard a scratching noise at the corner of the house where our power line connects from the pole. Odd. Then, Caesar was looking out the front window with more than usual fervor, so I followed his gaze into the neighbor's tree (which our power line goes directly past) and there - a good 10 feet off the ground - on a branch, sat a black cat. It was one of those VERY quiet nights with no wind to speak of, and sure enough the only thing moving was the cat and the cords leading to our house.
When he saw me our eyes met for a second or two, he did that half-look-away-and-back thing that cats do when they're not certain if they feel threatened or not, and in a blink of an eye was back down the tree and running across the street.

I think we've met before...

There are two cats on the street that are always outside and roaming. They're very friendly, as in they run across the street TOWARD you when you get within 50 feet and plop down for some serious purr time.

Now, however, I can only assume that these are nothing more than overly eager representatives of this cat union!

Here's what the 'report' said:

Type of Report: Accommodations complaint
Date of Issue: 11/20/08
Feline requesting inquiry: Orange Julius "Caesar" Peters
Feline responding to inquiry: Lavernius "Midnight" Olearude
Please explain situation: Humans have recently brought home another 'little' human and have channeled already lowered attentions in her direction. This, after two years of frustration in multiple chapter precincts (see attached file from St. Louis local 20L1 re: "neighbor dog" and "little human" tolerance decision). Usual procedures of late-night romping, subtle pilfering, and polite hairball placement have resulted in little or no immediate result. Applicant is seeking permission to administer more serious measures.

I can only assume that our tree-dwelling visitor was indeed this "Midnight", and that the wire was simply too thin for him to do any closer reconnaissance. But I think his observations were complete enough, because just the other day Caesar let forth a full release of his stomach contents on our living room floor! (Incidentally matched at the exact location the next day by our son.)

The gloves are off!
And I may start sleeping with one eye open...

[In all seriousness, our cat has been - and continues to be - a saint. We're been VERY lucky in that department with both the cats we've had. I highly endorse orange and white tabby males who have been picked up as stray kittens in the mid-south areas of St. Louis, MO! Even so, I think I'll go fill his food dish just to be sure...]



Jon and Lani said...

You should totally turn this into a children's book. That would be hilarious. I'm sure in a few months we'll be getting the same kinds of notices...except one for each of the cats and one for poor Moose too... :(

Hope everything is well with you guys! Can't wait to meet your little girl! (And in the meantime, some updated pictures would be much appreciated!) :)

Karen said...

So Ceaser and his little union friend have issued a complaint? Tell Ceaser he has a whole bunch of affection coming his way in less that a week. Michael might even brush him for you. Maybe that will apease him for a little while.

The White Pigeon Hope - Seeking to "Normalize" the work of the Holy Spirit since 2008.