Wednesday, March 18, 2009

More on Gnomes

After my post about gnomes, I did a little Google-ing and found this place...

...especially interesting was the 'Act Now' page on their site, which included a sample letter for members to send to someone who has a garden gnome "enslaved". It reads as follows...

Letter to Gnome Captor

Gnome Slave Owner,

We deplore your treatment of gentle woodland creatures, and your total disregard for the basic principles of liberty.
Your moral bankruptcy is evidenced by your acts of wanton recklessness and the deliberate use of coercive force and terror tactics against gentle and innocent creatures.

It has come to our attention that a Gnome is being held captive in your garden. We do not, as a rule, negotiate with terrorists, however, we request that he be released immediately. Already your actions have prompted copycat offenses, which we have witnessed, including the deplorable use of a Gnome as a hood ornament.

We understand that you probably were not responsible for the innocent Gnome’s original capture but rather purchased him from a Gnome slave trafficker like a garden center or craft show. Please understand that we are not holding you responsible for the state of Gnome slavery in America.

We are, however, asking you to put an end to your involvement. Do the responsible thing; free your Gnome today. has specially trained caseworkers who will gladly work with you toward the goal of returning your Gnome to the northern woodlands from where he came. Please contact us today at
Although American law currently permits you to keep a Gnome in slavery, we believe it to be morally reprehensible. We hope that upon honest reflection, you will agree.
Stop Oppressive Gardening. Free the Gnomes.

Thank you,
Your Name Here

Honestly, I can't decide if I want to join their movement or buy a gnome to put in my yard in hopes of getting such a letter for myself! And though I really want to believe that its all intended in good fun, it also is somewhat unnervingly serious...

Maybe something like this would draw their attention...

(Please click on the links to see that this site does, in fact, exist. I know their letter sounds a lot like my style with the whole F.A.A.N.G. thing [which is also entirely real, and I didn't write it at all!!!], but I promise I cannot take any credit... only pay homage.)


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