Matthew Peters Just finished a whole mug of coffee before 9 a.m. - which might be a first. Look out today, world!
And indeed, since I posted that about 8:55 a.m. my jittery-ness has gradually increased to a point where I might as well write briefly about it, since its hard to concentrate on much else.
(By the way, for those of you keeping track at home, I did finish the 'Sure and Certain' skit this morning and I think it is up to par. Should be fun.)
It seems that for most bloggers, well, many bloggers, caffeine is a bit of a necessity to say the least. This is a general truth for much of harried and semi-frazzled America - not to mention the stressed-out people in the rest of the world. But for me, my relationship to caffeine (at least as an adult) is still in the stages surrounding the second date or so... "Should I call, or shouldn't I call?" "Oh what did they mean by that statement?" "Is this a good thing, or should I forget about it all now?" "She loves me... She loves me not... She loves me..."
There's a relative uncertainty you see, between me and coffee specifically. On a broader scale, I'm still working on my position regarding the entire caffeine spectrum. But coffee and I have always had a strange relationship.
It all started back when I was a child...
...but that's not where my story starts.
I'm starting the story in college. With a recurring dream.
In this dream, which I'd have about once every other week or so - sometimes more, sometimes less - while at college, I was a chain smoker.
Yes, a big-time chain smoker! (Which I REALLY am NOT in real life.)
This dream would vary in storyline, but would remain consistent in substance; I would constantly be lighting up another cigarette!
It was persistent and vivid enough that I would wake up in the middle of the night, or in the morning at the very least, with cravings.
CRAVINGS!!! Serious, "gimme, gimme, gimme!" sort of cravings.
But, walking past people who were smoking outside the dorms still did nothing for me. In fact, the act of smoking still bothered my senses in the way it always had. I didn't want to smoke.
But I still craved...
Finally, one morning when I was up early enough (for once) to go to breakfast in the cafeteria, it struck me; I was having a dream about cigarettes, but my associated cravings were for the other strong aroma that hadn't ever fully enticed me before: coffee!
The best I can do in order to make sense of this, is to find a spot that brings those two scents together in my early and favorable subconscious, and that spot lands squarely on a couple of important people; my 'Papa' and my Pastor. Both of these men were very close to me. My Grandpa because he was the local grandfather who I'd see multiple times each week, and my Pastor because his wife was my daily babysitter/caretaker from the time I was 4 weeks old until about 3rd grade. Both of them were coffee drinkers, and both of them (more so my Pastor) were relatively heavy smokers... until they quit when I was still pretty little.
And their quitting of the smoking, led their mornings to be heavier on the coffee.
And so we begin to make a connection...
So, about once a month I'd have to bring myself to try a cup of coffee in order to ward off the crazies that these dreams would leave me with. (Ask people who were close to me, I'd act like a low-rate junkie after one of these dreams... seriously. Please don't judge me.)
Eventually, I got my rhythm figured out as far as what I liked with coffee. This helped, but did nothing to declare me any more 'normal'.
I'd go to the snack counter at school, ask for a scoop of vanilla ice cream in a coffee cup and proceed to fill the cup the rest of the way with cappuccino. (I still can't drink coffee that's very hot... I'm still new to this, people!)
Ah, the satiation of the 'need'! The quelling of the angst!
...the nervous wreck I'd become the rest of the day!!!
So that's where I am today.
The dreams have subsided - haven't had one since college days - but the gradual coming and going relationship with coffee has persisted.
Many have encouraged me to 'join them' in being coffee-drinkers, but when they do they always have that weird look in their eye that you think Darth Vader would've had if you could see his eyes when he asked Luke to join the Dark Side. "No thanks, Pops."
But now... well, there's an empty coffee cup sitting next to my computer. And its been that way since before 9 a.m. this morning.